When a client meets me face to face for the first time, they are seeing a façade. The façade is the person they know from my articles in Binah. Funny, irreverent, telling stories of my children and grandchildren, rollerblading into their lives. Some connect to my intellect, some to what they perceive as my warmth or caring. Some like my sense of humor that has a bit of a bite. But that is all a façade, a mask. Because I am only part of all those things. Who I am is masked for them by their expectations, by their vision of who they think I am, by who they think they know.
And my persona as a therapist is a mask too. I am professional, ethical, dedicated, and knowledgeable. And that is what I show when I first meet a new client. And according to what unfolds in the therapy room, I will become the person they need me to be.
Who am I really?
I am so many different parts to so many different people.
I sound like a chameleon as I reread these words. I sound inauthentic. Like quicksilver, I change so quickly and effortlessly.
With one client I become the mother. Warm, endlessly loving, endlessly giving. To another, the father. Stern, strong, advocating and fixing. To yet another I am simply a warm bath to relax into. To sigh and cry. Some clients want me to be the iron rod to hold up their spine; some want me to be the wise sage and solve their existential questions. Others demand I become the teacher of their childhood, the one who lives in school and never leaves, waiting for them to return the next time. Remember that fantasy? The same of the mother who stands by the window waving good bye in the morning who will still be there at 4pm when the bus returns after the day at school. They demand I be as steady and unchanging as the firmaments in the sky. I am their sun, their moon, their star.
I can be all of those people, all of those things. But not to everyone and not all the time.
Within in each therapy experience, within each therapeutic relationship, I change.
With one client I am funny. Very funny and it is humor that builds our relationship. Does that mean my mask is a clown’s?
With one client I am a rock that does not move no matter how angry she is, no matter how many darts she tries to shoot. Is my mask with her then a bullseye?
With another client, she asks me to cry with her, to share her successes, to see pictures of the Purim costumes she has sewn, to be her cheering squad when she is down. Am I wearing my sister’s face?
But I am a prankster, a bullseye, sister, mother, friend, daughter, and warm, bubbly bath. And also, so much more. They are not my masks as much as my parts. And they each want their turn when the right client comes along to give them a voice. And sometimes, more than one shares my face, inhabits my body at the same time.
A new therapy is created with each new client. Each one is unique in my room, as is our relationship. No masks, rather an unmasking of who really are in that space. Who am I is who you are and as we grow together, we become even more of who we are—separately and together.
Published by Binah Magazine
Using an 8-step protocol which includes a back-and-forth movement (originally only of the eyes; presently, more varied options), EMDR therapy facilitates the accessing and processing of traumatic memories or adverse experiences. It transforms a client's negative beliefs to positive ones, reduces body activation, and allows new behaviors to replace the old.
Somatic IFS is a branch of IFS which uses the 5 practices of: somatic awareness, breath, resonance, movement, and touch. The intention of this practice is to help parts that express themselves through the body reestablish connection to Self, restoring its leadership; healing the injured and traumatized parts, enabling healthy living.
Clinical hypnosis is a technique in which the therapist helps a client go into a deeply focused and relaxed state called a trance, using verbal cues, repetition, and imagery. In this naturally occurring altered state of hypnotic consciousness, therapeutic interventions to address psychological or physical issues are more effective.
IFS views a person as made up of many parts, much like a family, each with its own feelings, thoughts, and even memories. Parts may manifest in troublesome ways, but IFS believes each one is there to protect and help, and the role of therapy is to heal the wounded and hurting parts, uncovering the core Self who will lead these parts with the 8 Cs of: calm, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness.
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is a body-based, holistic approach to healing that integrates talk therapy, attachment theory, and experiential exercises to address developmental and other trauma that is stored in the body as somatic symptoms. Working with child states and “experiments,” SP therapy accesses material that is often outside of a client’s awareness, facilitating healing and growth.
When the body stores unpleasant sensations as a result of stress, shock, and trauma, SE is a body-based therapy that helps clients to gain awareness of how these cause stuck patterns of flight and fight responses. SE therapy is a gentle method that guides clients to increase their window of tolerance, releasing suppressed trauma and emotions, freeing them of their physical emotional pain.