
Recently, I was invited by the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation to be on a panel for their 2023 Tishah B’Av event. I would be one of three women speaking about finding strength in the shadow of challenge — as that’s what the flyer announcing our video was called.
The three of us, including a fourth who was the moderator, spent approximately four hours talking, of which only about an hour would make it to the final video. As I listened to each of the others speak, I wondered how on earth the team would be able to pare it down to only an hour. Each word my colleagues in pain spoke were jewels. I know I sound trite when I say this: I almost wrote pearls of wisdom because they were more than just words of wisdom. From their hearts and mouths gushed peals and diamonds and rubies and every other magnificent stone, creating something, I imagined, almost as magnificent as the precious stones that made up the Choshen of the Kohen Gadol.
Me? I spoke too, but my challenge paled in comparison to theirs — not that we were comparing, but the comparison was glaring.
But the theme that ran through our roundtable, and I am not sure if that theme is what emerged from the cut version of the video, is that we had been ordinary people before our challenges. We were of the group that “these things don’t happen to me.” You know that group? Yeah, that one. The one that nobody thinks of joining, and when we join, we feel we are in an alternate universe — a hitchhiker on Mars, wondering, “How exactly did I get here?” and “Hey, when am I getting outta here?”
But we begin to realize, that no, we are not getting out. Our goal instead is to make this place home. And each of us, in our own way, from that ordinary place, did the extraordinary.
I can’t speak for the others, because they seemed like pretty amazing people before their challenges occurred, but let me tell you, I was completely ordinary before mine. The most exciting thing I did before my six-year-old youngest child became ill with cancer was… was… was… I really can’t think. What was exciting before that? Throwing a birthday party for a whole class of boys who filled my basement with dirty sneakers and popped balloons? Teaching my class of seventh graders? Folding laundry, making supper, playing paddleball in the Y, frying schnitzel, marking loads of test papers, folding more laundry, cooking more suppers? Maybe the most exciting thing up until that summer, seventeen years ago, was going to Eretz Yisrael after not being back since moving back as a kollel couple. Maybe.
I was ordinary.
Did I change a lot, or did a lot change me?
Here is what I know about myself since my challenge: I love children — not only mine, but every single child in this universe. Each one seems like a gift from Hashem that must be treasured and loved and handled with care and love and devotion. Every single one of my nieces and nephews, and great-nieces and great-nephews, seem like the most remarkable little beings that have ever graced this earth. Every child I see playing in the street, every child — walking to school in uniform, rolling with scooters, zooming with bikes — makes my heart sing.
Every second of life seems like a mandate to accomplish. Every day something needs to happen; every day I need to make this world a better place for those around me — for my children, my clients, my grandchildren, for those who I love and for those who live on this planet who I love but don’t know personally — like you, who are reading this right now.
Challenges are a lot. Yes, there are a lot of challenges.
So, I changed a lot. A lot changed me. It was my lot to be changed. And I would not change any of my lot.
Originally published in Binah Magazine
Using an 8-step protocol which includes a back-and-forth movement (originally only of the eyes; presently, more varied options), EMDR therapy facilitates the accessing and processing of traumatic memories or adverse experiences. It transforms a client's negative beliefs to positive ones, reduces body activation, and allows new behaviors to replace the old.
Somatic IFS is a branch of IFS which uses the 5 practices of: somatic awareness, breath, resonance, movement, and touch. The intention of this practice is to help parts that express themselves through the body reestablish connection to Self, restoring its leadership; healing the injured and traumatized parts, enabling healthy living.
Clinical hypnosis is a technique in which the therapist helps a client go into a deeply focused and relaxed state called a trance, using verbal cues, repetition, and imagery. In this naturally occurring altered state of hypnotic consciousness, therapeutic interventions to address psychological or physical issues are more effective.
IFS views a person as made up of many parts, much like a family, each with its own feelings, thoughts, and even memories. Parts may manifest in troublesome ways, but IFS believes each one is there to protect and help, and the role of therapy is to heal the wounded and hurting parts, uncovering the core Self who will lead these parts with the 8 Cs of: calm, curiosity, clarity, compassion, confidence, courage, creativity, and connectedness.
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is a body-based, holistic approach to healing that integrates talk therapy, attachment theory, and experiential exercises to address developmental and other trauma that is stored in the body as somatic symptoms. Working with child states and “experiments,” SP therapy accesses material that is often outside of a client’s awareness, facilitating healing and growth.
When the body stores unpleasant sensations as a result of stress, shock, and trauma, SE is a body-based therapy that helps clients to gain awareness of how these cause stuck patterns of flight and fight responses. SE therapy is a gentle method that guides clients to increase their window of tolerance, releasing suppressed trauma and emotions, freeing them of their physical emotional pain.